This World

There's tarnish on my Golden Rule
And I wanna jump from this ship of fools
Show me a place where hope is young
And a people who are not afraid to love

This world has nothing for me, and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need

This world is making me drunk on the spirits of fear
So when You say, "Who will go?" I am nowhere near

But the least of these look like criminals to me
so I leave Christ on the street

This world has held my hand and has led me into intolerance
So now I'm breaking up, I'm waking up, I'm making up for lost time

This world has nothing for me and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need

~written by Aaron Tate of Caedmon's Call

Change

Change. Love it or hate it, it's coming. My mind has been going a million miles an hour ever since we decided on this whole moving thing. I'm so excited to be close to Blake's family (who I'm more and more thinking of as my own) but also hesitant to get too worked up. Circumstances in the past have created a strained relationship, at best, with many of his family members. And as much as I want to love them and be close to them and for everything to be warm and cozy, I'm not really sure that's what they want--from me. Maybe they want me to just stay out of the way and not cause trouble. I know that no matter how much I want to be close to them, I can't force them to want to know me or to love me back. I just love loving, but I've never met a group of people who make it so hard. So, whoever's reading, if anyone is, say a prayer for us as we make this huge transition in our lives.

Happenings In the Life of Rose

It's been almost 2 months since we went off of birth control, so I feel like pregnancy is right around the corner. I'm excited, but I'm not obsessing over getting pregnant anymore... My feeling is, it'll happen when it's supposed to happen.

In other news, Blake and I have decided to move back to Florida! I'm half excited and half freaking out... His family still scares me a little bit, but I love them alot and I'm looking forward to getting to see them more. And hopefully I will be expecting soon, so it makes sense to be around family. I'm really not looking forward to moving, but I am looking forward to being there, and going to the beach more often. I love the beach so much. Speaking of the beach, here are some pictures of our recent trip to Myrtle...

This was the view from our hotel balcony :)

See how happy and in love I am with the photographer?

Here's Blake in what we have come to know as the Elevator of Death.

The Happy Couple :)

My heart is heavy. I feel so weighed down. My grandmother is in the hospital dying, and there are conflicts in my family that are causing me tremendous grief. Two of the people I love most insist on hating each other (even though they wouldn't put it that way--if the other person would just get their act together...) and I am stuck in the middle. Add that to my daily responsibilities in the house and my job, and I am overwhelmed. I feel as if I have no one to turn to--even though I know that feeling is a lie. I have God. For some reason that just isn't bringing me much peace right now. I guess I haven't done a very good job of depending on Him lately. I tend to get up close and then run and hide. So maybe it's time for me to come out of hiding... I just feel so broken with nothing to bring. I have this belief that I have to offer something to be worthy, to prove that I am worth God's time. I know that's not true, but I haven't started believing it yet.

My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
Ps 6:3

P.E. & S.S.

Well, I'm not pregnant. In a way I'm kind of glad to know. It's really nerve-wracking not knowing. Now I know. Anyway, the Doc said it would probably be a couple months before things kick back in. I was kind of hoping for Power Egg and Super Sperm to prove him wrong, but I guess I'll have to wait like everyone else. It's kind of a relief, knowing I have at least a little more time Before Baby. A little more Just Us time.

Anyway, my life... I'm not up to much lately. I wish I painted more. I've been trying to figure out how to keep a clean house. It's easy to clean the house, but having a system where it is generally clean most of the time would be nice. I have no idea how these things work. I love doing the laundry, but the bathroom is never clean! I clean it and by the next day it's got spots and dust and who knows what else. Dishes... the bane of my existence. Blehhhhh.... Overall, though, I really don't mind cleaning. I love having a clean house. :)

Full Disclosure?

Some people are such good bloggers. They can write funny, witty, interesting stories and paragraphs about things from their lives, but without giving too much away. I don't think I have a good filter for what to share and not share. Because my impulse is to spill the beans, go into detail, and bare all. That would be interesting, no doubt about that... but do I really want strangers reading about things that I wouldn't want my family to know? And what if my family finds this blog...
What might be a no-brainer for some bloggers is becoming a real dilemma for me. I want to write, but I don't want to be weird. I long to be real, but I don't want to embarass myself or my husband, or anyone else involved in my crazy life. I've always been 'straight up'. I just come out and say how it is. I'm kind of bold. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to get some grace with my truth. Are there any rules for this kind of thing?

I Want to Remember This

This morning Blake & I woke up and stayed in bed for a while having cozy pillow talk- my favorite. :) I asked him for the billionth time this week, "Do you think I'm pregnant?" He said, "I don't know." Then he pulled back the covers and put his face right next to my stomach and called out, "Hello? Is anyone in there? Can you hear me?" Then he put his ear to my belly and listened carefully. "Are you in there, Captain? Kick twice for yes and once for no!" I felt that feeling Blake always gives me when he's so wonderful I can barely stand it, and I can't grasp how this could be my life. Oh, the joy. Praise God for his grace and love! He gives good presents. :)